Thanksgiving

I read Psalm 118 today. Here are some of the verses I really like :) He sets us free!

v. 5

In my anguish I cried to the LORD,

and he answered by setting me free.

v. 13-14

I was pushed back and about to fall,

but the LORD helped me.

The LORD is my strength and my song;

he has become my salvation.

v. 17

I will not die but live,

and will proclaim what the LORD has done.

Beautiful! :D

I love reading articles that I don't understand, but give a feel of mystery! Below are two articles (for general populations, so don't worry!) that I read recently that talk about Topology and String Theory (and how the two are connected). I also added a great quote from the first article :D

Physicists often talk about the beauty of math. What does that mean to you?
The first time I saw my wife, I thought she was charming—more than charming, shocking to me. I had great motivation to know her more. When I look at the Calabi conjecture, it shocks me too. It’s an elegant, simple construct and explains a great deal. It’s exciting when you go deeper and deeper into a complicated structure that you can spend most of a lifetime working on. It was shocking when it showed up in physics, and it’s beautiful whether it’s true or not.

The Math Behind the Physics Behind the Universe

The Man Who Plucks All The Strings

One thing I've discovered is that the more you know about science and nature, the more you are in wonder and awe of how much you don't know. How can anyone say that there is a conflict between science and God? For myself, the more I know about science and math, the more I am hesitant to make claims that something cannot be -- to some extent, I am much more willing to believe in things that others would consider surprising.

Beloved

Yesterday, I was reminded of a dream I had on 8/21. I'll just quote it from my journal:

"The last one, I only remember the end clearly. There was some mean/bitter/broken?? woman who made me do something at the beginning. Sometime later, I saw her again and there was another man too. She obviously was broken, but had a hard heart. I don't remember how it happened, but somehow she asked me, 'If you could say one word to me, what would you say?' It wasn't a desperate, pleading type of question, more like a stubborn hard tone (but you could sense something deep). My mind raced thinking about the 'best' thing to say. I think I sensed (correctly) that some hardship was making her bitter and I wanted her to be thankful/look at it in another light, so I said, 'Growth' with an attitude of judgment and instruction. Right when I said that, I could feel that I replied with my mind and 'cunning', not by asking God or the Spirit. You could tell she was not satisfied, but only angry. (Why should I grow? I've been through so much! I've been hurt so much!) As the situation was escalating I began pleading for God to give me a word and I began to be able to feel her Spirit. Slowly a word came to me and in a pause (she was ranting on and on), I slipped in, 'My second word for you is Beloved.' At that she paused and you could tell that she was struggling majorly with something and breaking completely. As I sensed that, I began to also break with tears with her as I pondered, 'Beloved' and her own conviction and newness God was giving her. Then I woke up with tears falling down my eyes.

It is true that my view towards myself and others is often one of "growth", not "beloved". I'm just starting to realize the weight and meaning of God's love for us!! It's soooo big!

Pray for me!

The following post has been sitting in my box as a draft since 9/13 (so the "today" is 9/13 :D), heehee.

Today I really wrestled and felt defeated. There are two main parts:

1. Idolatry. This last 4 weeks, God has really blessed my research as I focused on him and living in his principles. Unfortunately, as he has blessed my work, my heart has been straying more and more towards my research. I sometimes find myself imagining papers I can publish, etc... I feel like I am letting the "deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful". It's as if, after Jesus helps Peter catch the boatful of fish, he gets wrapped up in imagining the booming business he's going to have.
2. Giving God the credit due him. I don't think I really have much pride in the research recently -- I really have felt so blessed. However, I feel paralyzed in front of my lab members and especially my advisors when they talk about research progress. I don't feel right when they attribute the progress to me, to research luck, to the environment, or whatever... I realize that I fear man more than I fear God. Especially since I admire my advisor so much (though he's not a Christian, the way he responds to situations often remind me of God's principles), I am so timid in front of him.

The end product was that today after coming back from work and eating dinner, I felt so exhausted and drained. I think mostly I just felt far from God and ashamed for not being able to stand up for him. Then I journaled a bit, read the bible a bit, and then called Peter for prayer. That was refreshing! And God is merciful!!

Please pray for me! I have a talk next Tuesday -- pray that I would give God the glory that is due him!

Ecclesiastes 4:10

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

The New Jerusalem

We are the new Jerusalem :)

Zechariah 2:4-5

"Jerusalem will be a city without walls because of the great number of men and livestock in it. And I myself will be a wall of fire around it ... and I will be its glory within."

Still a kid! :P

Fan (my summer roommate and a 2nd year grad student), Christina, and I just watched The Pebble And The Penguin! heeheehee. Soooo random :) Picture all of us seriously working on our research: Papers sprawled over the desk, laptops whirring, brows furrowed in deep concentration. Then, Christina somehow mentioned how Wesley (who we call penguin) liked this movie when he was a little kid. I looked it up, and before we knew it, we were all sitting in front of the computer, lights dimmed, and watching :D

I kept grinning throughout the show at the randomness (of the situation)! Oh mannn :) I felt so much like a kid, hahahaha. We laughed so much and Fan laughed SOOOO LOUDLY :D (he usually goes back to lab after dinner and comes back at like 3am). God is good!