Pray for me!

The following post has been sitting in my box as a draft since 9/13 (so the "today" is 9/13 :D), heehee.

Today I really wrestled and felt defeated. There are two main parts:

1. Idolatry. This last 4 weeks, God has really blessed my research as I focused on him and living in his principles. Unfortunately, as he has blessed my work, my heart has been straying more and more towards my research. I sometimes find myself imagining papers I can publish, etc... I feel like I am letting the "deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful". It's as if, after Jesus helps Peter catch the boatful of fish, he gets wrapped up in imagining the booming business he's going to have.
2. Giving God the credit due him. I don't think I really have much pride in the research recently -- I really have felt so blessed. However, I feel paralyzed in front of my lab members and especially my advisors when they talk about research progress. I don't feel right when they attribute the progress to me, to research luck, to the environment, or whatever... I realize that I fear man more than I fear God. Especially since I admire my advisor so much (though he's not a Christian, the way he responds to situations often remind me of God's principles), I am so timid in front of him.

The end product was that today after coming back from work and eating dinner, I felt so exhausted and drained. I think mostly I just felt far from God and ashamed for not being able to stand up for him. Then I journaled a bit, read the bible a bit, and then called Peter for prayer. That was refreshing! And God is merciful!!

Please pray for me! I have a talk next Tuesday -- pray that I would give God the glory that is due him!

Ecclesiastes 4:10

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!