Life

The previous week was so full of... so many things, I feel like I need to blog some of it before I forget, hehe.

Hopelessness->Grace

I felt complete despair for STATS318 (Modern Markov Chains), catalyzed by a homework set and upcoming project. I began realizing the urgency of how far behind I was -- in fact, I could not even understand the first day's lecture. He uses math from all sorts of places: abstract algebra, operator theory, lebesgue integrals and measure theory, analysis... I haven't taken any of those math classes, so I could not even understand the syntax and how to study and catch up. I also did not know anyone in the class (most people were STATS grad students and past their first year, so were already in 'groups'). I was really struggling not to let despair control me and also to live in the rest we have from God (still take time to talk to people and not rush past other important things in life). Well, I won't tell the whole story, but long story short:

1) I experienced what it feels like to be completely lost and in need of someone to help me. I realized that I often don't want to spend so much time helping others in some of the other classes I feel comfortable in -- this was convicting. This is something God has put on my heart as one thing I want to make a priority during my time at Stanford.

2) God somehow pulled me through... I feel like so much grace has been given to me (and I found a kind soul in STATS318!) It feels strange, almost numbingly shocking, when I look at the notes and realize that I can understand almost every lecture. Today was the first lecture I sat in that I understood...

The Harvest

I have been praying about the verse where Jesus says: "Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest." Sometimes it feels like people at Stanford are so well put together and only focused on building the success that they have already achieved -- are there really people looking for God? God really answered that prayer this week for me in multiple ways :D (in the midst of the STATS318 despair! :P) It was soooo joyfull!!!!! I couldn't help grinning throughout random times in the week.

There are many more things, but this blog post is already too long. Besides the above, 1) I was reminded that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood" as I talked to many people close to me -- this week, suddenly so many people were struggling through really hard things. 2) On Friday, I heard Professor Charles Lee talk about the Christian perspective of 'Success and Significance'. He spoke so much truth!!! It was simultaneously convicting and encouraging. I feel like he has a deep grasp of our life in God.

Yah. That week was beautiful :D Definitely had it's stressful times, but I was actually strangely at peace during much of it. What a great life :)

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10